I came out to California to visit my Dad who was battling cancer.
The fight with cancer is the kind of fight that you really do not get to win!
Even as I write the above lines, I must truly admit that I do not believe them. Today I learn some amazing things in the Daf Yomi. This literally means we study a page of Gemarah a day. Anyone would simply find trying to reead the vast amount of orthodox writings daunting, so instead. we show up every day (sometimes evn the most regular atttendees do miss a day) and get to have our Rabbi read it to us in Hebrew and English, and even expalin a bit.
Do not get me wrong, I do beleive in miracles. However I feel as if the miracles need to be requested sparingly. Not everyone has the merit to have a miracle made for him. I had read up on my Dad's form of cancer. I picked out a current cutting edge book on what substances were natural anti-carcinogenic, specifically for the type of saquamos cells that were cancerous in my Dad (he should rest in peace). I read up on members of the cruciferous family, good old cabbage contained indols (I could even draw you the molecular diagram an aromtic benzene ring type of molecule) and sweet Potatoes or Yams were good as well for their vitamin A along with other substances.
I cooked for my Dad (*rip) even though i knew he could not tolerate the food well. His intial cancer developede in his esophagus. He had a big bottle of Rolaids close to his bed from my ealiest childhood memories in Union NJ. I can even remeber the appearance of the chest of drawers the big bottle or rolaids rested upon. I cooked him the special stew with lamb (something good about lamb, in my anit-carcinogen book) I also fed him watermelon. I avoided acidic foods favoring the alkaline variety. I even found a high protein snack that he liked, and was able to swallow, Peanut butter on ritz crackers.
The planned food to get the miracle diet failed even in its inception for one seemingly minor yet very significant oversight. My Dad* was already on a TPN (liquid food in a clear bag) diet which he received via a catheter firectly into a vein on his neck. Convenient maybe, but food to live on? I think not.
Simple use and dis-use theory tells us that entirer system or individual organs such as the large intestines or bowels will shut down, when they are not receiving the substrate which they work upon (in this case roughage or fiber, in the diet). So after eating I had to witness the pain involve with a normally minor bilogical function of elimination of waste products. Apparently the organ systems needed for eliminating real (non-TPN) foods, had already shut down.
(more to post...some other time)
In case any of my family members ever make here, accept my apologies in advance for my harsh lanaguage in my handwritten journal pages below. These pages were originally written to snatch the light back from the darkness. It seemed a proper introduction to a self help book, to site a dark moment from my own past, These pages were written into a journal type notebook on July 8, 1994. This date is the Rashi's Yortziet. I say this not because I beleive myself to be so elevated rather that Chasidism teaches us that the Yortzeit (death anniversary) of a great soul make certain meritorious "light" available to us here in this lower world of finite things (Machut).
Otherwise we could just say it is a co-incidence. Which is such an interesting word because if two things happen together, for no particular reason, we simply say they coincide in time. To me this seems quite the opposite of the term coincidence.
What does the word coincidence really mean? Anyone, feel free to post an answer or comment here, if you want.
AhMbDvd Sanders October 31, 2007 6:11pm
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Slam Dunk!
It's pretty easy to slam dunk your upbringing. Even though I know I have told both members of my immediate family, I am pretty sure that they have not ventured into these unchartered waters, where it is pretty much me, who controls the flow. (I do love mixing metaphors). By the way I Know there is a hebrew phrase that looks and sounds better then me saying (he should rest in peace) every time I mention a dead (or niftir) relative.
My grandmother (she should rest in peace) was perhaps the only one in the family who really used this phrase (should rest in peace) like all the time. I try to imagine how it might sound if I actually started to talk about both my father (he should rest in peace) and his mother, my grandmother (she should rest in piece) in the same thread, as I actually plan to do here.
Okay lets try this: A blanket rest in peace for every time I mention either my father [He Should rest in Peace] or his mother [She should rest in Peace]. Why this all is so important becomes clear as you start to hear more of my story.
Lets pick it up at a point where my Dad (blanket R.I.P.) was dying of cancer, and his mom (blanket R.I.P.), my grandmother was in an old age home in a place known to Calfornia natives as "The Valley". People might call this San Fernando Valley, or perhaps could properly refer to the various areas such as Van Nuys (remind me to tell you the joke sometime) or Tarzana, or Sherman Oaks. Even North Hollywood is in The Valley, however West Hollywood is really close to Hollywood proper, you know swimming pools, movie stars. Beverly Hills is really some very expensive real estate with some great views which lies between Hollywood, and Brentwood/Westwood/Santa Monica. UCLA (in the heart of Wetwood-like a real city in LA) is conveniently located adjacent to both Beverly Hills and those other westside areas which also include West L.A.- which real is nothing like LA.
Okay, all this being said I now want to share with you what could best be described as a continuous Bikur Cholem call, while I visited my Dad (* see above) and his Mom (*see above) my Grandama*. Despite all my grand visions, plans goal, and unique perspective on so many things, my fortune had not yet found me while I was visiting sick or dying relatives in California in 1984. (to be continued-later maybe tonight)
My grandmother (she should rest in peace) was perhaps the only one in the family who really used this phrase (should rest in peace) like all the time. I try to imagine how it might sound if I actually started to talk about both my father (he should rest in peace) and his mother, my grandmother (she should rest in piece) in the same thread, as I actually plan to do here.
Okay lets try this: A blanket rest in peace for every time I mention either my father [He Should rest in Peace] or his mother [She should rest in Peace]. Why this all is so important becomes clear as you start to hear more of my story.
Lets pick it up at a point where my Dad (blanket R.I.P.) was dying of cancer, and his mom (blanket R.I.P.), my grandmother was in an old age home in a place known to Calfornia natives as "The Valley". People might call this San Fernando Valley, or perhaps could properly refer to the various areas such as Van Nuys (remind me to tell you the joke sometime) or Tarzana, or Sherman Oaks. Even North Hollywood is in The Valley, however West Hollywood is really close to Hollywood proper, you know swimming pools, movie stars. Beverly Hills is really some very expensive real estate with some great views which lies between Hollywood, and Brentwood/Westwood/Santa Monica. UCLA (in the heart of Wetwood-like a real city in LA) is conveniently located adjacent to both Beverly Hills and those other westside areas which also include West L.A.- which real is nothing like LA.
Okay, all this being said I now want to share with you what could best be described as a continuous Bikur Cholem call, while I visited my Dad (* see above) and his Mom (*see above) my Grandama*. Despite all my grand visions, plans goal, and unique perspective on so many things, my fortune had not yet found me while I was visiting sick or dying relatives in California in 1984. (to be continued-later maybe tonight)
Sunday, October 28, 2007
These posts connect the begining of this on-line pamphlet "You Can Do It" which started on my web page at:
http://thewriterscafe.org
The interface works okay now after struggling it, and many frustrated lost pages. The main problem are seemed to be with the navagation bar.
Before these pages I should mention that I had gravitated towardas the genre of "self help books". These books seemed to be available everywhere. Since I was not given any religous training as in being sent to hebrew school, I managed to find spirituality in these types of books.
After finding one particularly influential book, at a time when I was living with my father (he should rest in peace) in California, I decided to share this book with him and was curious about his thoughts. I was still in High School, I beleive it was 11th grade when the actual events described with my father ( he should rest in peace) took place.
http://thewriterscafe.org
The interface works okay now after struggling it, and many frustrated lost pages. The main problem are seemed to be with the navagation bar.
Before these pages I should mention that I had gravitated towardas the genre of "self help books". These books seemed to be available everywhere. Since I was not given any religous training as in being sent to hebrew school, I managed to find spirituality in these types of books.
After finding one particularly influential book, at a time when I was living with my father (he should rest in peace) in California, I decided to share this book with him and was curious about his thoughts. I was still in High School, I beleive it was 11th grade when the actual events described with my father ( he should rest in peace) took place.
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